my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
even my farts smell like vagina
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
