is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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