Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
