Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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