so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
