So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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