I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Are my feet made of real feet?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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