He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize