I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
