I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
