Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize