Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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