Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
