You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
