I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
