sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
