You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
whose parrot is this?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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