My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
