Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
