Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
