this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize