I am full of burrito and curiosity
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
