i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
