Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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