shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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