i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize