grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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