it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
