Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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