There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
