everyone is single if you try hard enough
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
