it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
