The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your cock deserves a montage
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
