Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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