Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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