My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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