It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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