First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
