Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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