Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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