i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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