even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
