When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
