I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
