good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
