Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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