i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
