Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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