I'm so fucking centered right now
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
