Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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