just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
