I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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