I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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