So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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