Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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