How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just gargled with NyQuil
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
