Jerry, you need to find god
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
