In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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