my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
