I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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