I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
