I got chris browned last night
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
