I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
