I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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