I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
