What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
