His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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