I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just pee around me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
