she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
