Can Purell be used as lube?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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