you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
youre lurking in front of me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
